Feeling Sexy After Having a Baby


Feeling Sexy After Having a Baby

By Danielle Radden

Having a baby has completely changed your life in more ways than I can even begin to list. Your body has changed, your priorities have changed, your food preferences, your activity levels, and so much more. This article has nothing to do with your sweet bundle of joy, though. This article isn’t about the things everyone wants to talk about when you have a baby – how is the baby sleeping, and how does the baby eat, etc. This article is about the thing that no one seems to talk about when you have a baby – your sex life.

We are all adults and it’s generally understood how babies are made so let’s skip over the basics – you’ve already done that at least one time anyway.

There is a moment about 6 weeks after your uterine inhabitant vacates the area when your doctor gives you the go ahead to resume your normal sexual activity. This is theoretically a moment of celebration because your body is fully recovered from the trauma of hauling around a tiny human for months. In actuality though, this moment consists of a complex weave of elation, doubt, insecurities, disinterest, and even dread.

As your partner is trying to suppress his victory dance, you are rallying the courage to view this altered body as something sexual.

At the moment your breasts are literal milk jugs. How can that possibly be sexy?

The first thing to remember is that your doctor unintentionally lied about sex returning to normal. You will never return to the person you once were. After sharing your body with your baby, your baby is and always will be part of you. Don’t try to return to normal sex, rather look for a new normal.

Treat this time in your relationship as a time of discovery. This is not just for your partner either. Discovering what makes you feel sexual in your own skin is just as important.

There is a natural urge to want to return to the bodies we once had. We want the body we were used to for our lives up to this point. We want to feel sexy in the same ways, wearing the same clothes, or moving with the same dynamics. However this is a perfect time to discover exactly how this new Mom version of you is sexy.

It is likely that you don’t feel exactly sexy in your altered post-pregnancy body. Loving your body is much different than finding your body sexy.

I will make this very clear: You are sexy.

Even if you are not sexy in the way you used to be, there is still a goddess inside you. This is your opportunity to look inward with your mind’s eye and discover your inner goddess. Then allow your partner to understand this version of you as well.

How does mindfulness play a role in this discovery of sexual desires, you ask? You might think that connecting with your sexual goddess is a little too private for a mindfulness blog. Or maybe you assume that you just need to dive into bed with your partner and go where the moment takes you.

While I think both these things are important parts of discovery, start by introducing yourself to this inner goddess with a few deep breaths. This sexual being inside you is fueled with fire and heat. Find a warm place, relax, close your eyes, and breathe. Let the warmth fill your body and ignite the passions within you. Let your breath fill your body (not the body you used to have, the body you have now) then let the heat escape through your skin and your lips.

If you feel comfortable, invite your partner to join your breathing. Place your hands on his chest and ask him to also place his hands over your heart. Feel the heat of this person you love. Let his warmth soak below your skin joining with your own heat. Breathe in the warm air in the room — a mixture of both your bodies. Let your partner’s expelled air fill your body and let his air discover the shape of you, heating you as it passes through.

Wherever this breathing exercise takes you, let it be a moment of discovery for the sexual creature you are.

You are sexy.

Were you able to try this for yourself?

Danielle is the copy editor for the Mindful Mamas Club and offers editing a design services to other small businesses. Find out more at her website, DanielleRadden.com