Stop Losing Yourself In Motherhood


Stop Losing Yourself In Motherhood

Monica Amman

I lost myself in motherhood.

Everything I did revolved around mothering. It began when my first child was a few months old. I took care of my baby. I read about mothering in my spare time. I researched everything: feeding, diapering, sleep, all of it. The act of researching mothering consumed what little spare time I had outside of actually mothering. 

I joined a mothering group at the library. 

Then I ran the group.

Then I created another group for parents and children to get outdoors.

I wrote about motherhood.

I became motherhood.

There was no me separate from me as a mother. 

There is nothing wrong with any of what I was doing. Actually many of those things were beneficial because it was also important to have a village and I was building that village. I was working hard to be a good mom. I wanted to learn. I wanted to do all of it the “right way.”

However, even as mothers, there is more to me and there is more to you. You don’t have to get lost in motherhood. It’s okay to have interests and passions outside of motherhood. In fact, it’s good for you and it’s good for your children too. 

It is a long process of finding yourself outside of motherhood again. It isn’t impossible. In fact, it is amazing. The process of finding myself again has been so beautiful. I’ve found my passion for photography and drawing again. I’ve found time to meditate. I create beautiful artwork that gives my life immense joy. 

You don’t have to take up art to find yourself again. That is just my passions. But this process will help you to find your own passion, or at the very least give your mind and body a break for even just a few minutes. Because motherhood is hard!

I wanted to share some small things you can do starting right now if you are lost in motherhood or are just trying to find some time and space for yourself. 

Start small 

It doesn’t have to take up a lot of time or be complex. Find something small and simple you can do right now. 

Choose one thing for yourself. Maybe it’s exercising. Maybe it’s taking naptime to start painting again instead of cleaning the kitchen. Maybe it’s taking five minutes to yourself to do a meditation each day. Or maybe it’s picking up your journal in the mornings to write a page before making breakfast for your kids.

Just start small. Start somewhere.

Do it daily 

Do it at a time that is separate from mothering. This time is for you. I know that time is hard to come by. It’s not easy to get up before your children or stay up later. It’s not easy to let the cleaning wait while your kids nap. We feel like that time should be used to clean or prepare for tomorrow.

Taking that five or ten minutes to yourself for something that is only for you can help you begin the process of finding yourself again -- realizing that you are a person outside of motherhood. There is more to you than mothering. 

Here are some things you can do starting today if you have just five or ten minutes and need some ideas. Some of them you can even do in just a couple minutes.

  1. Meditate for 2 minutes or 5 or 10 minutes 

  2. Write in a journal in the mornings

  3. Spend ten minutes doing something you used to love to do

  4. Do a ten minute exercise routine

  5. Go on a walk alone around the block

Choose anything that is relaxing or joyful to you and start. If right now you only have two minutes to spare, use that two minutes for yourself. You can increase that time as the days and weeks go on. It’s so important for your own health and wellbeing. 

Why? Because motherhood is hard. Because some days are filled with meltdowns and endless messes to clean and that can be exhausting. Especially when you look forward to a quiet evening only to realize it will be filled with more cleaning or tasks to prepare for tomorrow. By having this time just for you and something you are passionate about, you have created some relief for yourself on those difficult days. You have created the time and space to let your mind and body relax, doing something you love and enjoy outside of mothering. You have given yourself the freedom to still be yourself. That is a gift worth giving yourself.

What can you do TODAY to avoid losing yourself in motherhood?

Let us know in the comments below.

Support the author, Monica